Zazen was difficult today. I was generating thoughts and feeling from a beehive of bad memories. But I did it. Stayed focused...at least for seconds at a time :). This week (week two) will be more difficult....and I have a good, new book to read that almost compelled me to abstain from sitting. Elaine Pagels' "Revelations"...I wish I could be a scholar like her; respected in academia but with a talent for bringing scholarship into the town square. "The Dharma Rain Center." What a great name. Rain and Zen go together like brother and sister, bride and groom.
Yesterday I saw Dr. John. I played with him, startled him at times, so I'll have to check in with him next time to get his feedback--I'll play psychologist. He suggested I was "rigid", and I found it humorous to some degree. I really think i just love banter--it make me feel good--...the philosopher and the psychologist trying to find a way to "get along" and avoid jail time. Where did he come up with that diagnosis? A stereo-type (of a philosopher)? I suppose that diagnosis was predictable. Yes, I agree. I am "rigid" in some ways; flexible in others. I'm probably more bamboo than he knows, and more rigid than I would like to confide. After all, the ego is a rigid construct, and a philosophical ego especially so, like two minds, one compassionate and understanding, the other carnivorous and brutal. Why does life nurture one more than the other in some people? Much of that answer is pure coincidence, I suppose. Family, friends, lovers, work, life experiences, all contribute to the building.
No comments:
Post a Comment